Day 16

I promised to update anyone following from my post earlier tonight. After the catscan they determined I have an infection inside my bowel. I started two antibiotics and just got home. Have to be up in 4 way to short hours to get Ava ready for school and then entertain the munchkin all day. So off to bed I go! Xo

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Day 15 Cycle 2

Sorry for the lack of update. I’ve been having a bit of a tougher time this past week or so. Today was the last treatment of cycle 2 but that doesn’t end cycle 2 yet. I have to get through this weeks symptoms for it to end and cycle 3 will start on Monday with both carbo and taxol. I’m looking forward to moving on to cycle 3! I have had to be hospitalized twice unexpectedly since my last update. The first time was for nausea and vomiting issues along with a really intense headache. A catscan show swelling in my stomach and I continue to have an ulcer. Luckily my head CT was normal. I am now back in the ER as I write this. When I got home from treatment today and went to the bathroom and noticed quite a bit of blood in my stool. I really wasn’t concerned. I have been severely constipated from the chemo and pain medicine for the past 2-3 months. I went out with Ava to pick her Halloween costume and as soon as we arrived at the store this horrible pain way down lowin my abdomin came out of no where. I was able to get through the shopping, she is going to be one amazing kitty cat! The pain was really severe. After trying pain meds and getting no relief i called my oncologist who said I needed to head into the ER and get checked out. So here I am. So far they did X-rays and ekg and I’m waiting in catscan. I did find out I have a few hemeroids from the constipation that could explain the bleeding but not the pain. Hopefully the catscan will provide some answers. Even after IV fluids and IV pain meds I’m still very very uncomfortable. I don’t dare ask for more bc they think every young adult on Cape Cod is a drug addict. So that’s where I stand right now. Treatment went great today with my cousin Bree. She was such a fun chemo buddy! I also got fitted for my wig! I did have a major drop in my blood counts so I am extremely susceptible to illnesss and infection right now. 8 have to wear a mask if I go in a crowded place. I also have to start new injections tomorrow to stimulate my bones into creating more healthy blood cells. I’ve been told to expect some pretty bad bone pain. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Thank god Bree learned how to do the shots and will be coming over to do them for me! Had a big issue with insurance and the shots that was frustrating but got them covered in the end! This last week and a half has been really tough on me. I’ve been in a lot of pain. I’ve had so many doctors appointments, I’ve been hospitalized twice on top of two day long treatments. I’m having a difficult time sleeping. I don’t get to rest ever! My Vedas going through a pretty bratty phase. My Ava has been sad that I’ve been sick and tonight she hates cancer. Amen. She hates not being tucked in by me and I HATE cancer for causing that to happen. Cancer sucks. There is no way around it. It ruins your body, sucks the energy right out of you, steals your hair and normalcy. It

scares your children, family and friends. Today it made me, Ava and Bree cry. I am really good at being tough and putting on a brave ย face. A lot of the time I do feel brave and tough. I’ve been told more than once that im making something so difficult look too easy. Truth is it’s very difficult. I often feel really lousy and have a lot of pain. I simply don’t show it. I keep it to myself and get on with my day the best I can. This weeks been hard to keep the front up. Emotionally it has been a really tough night. I am hurting and angry at cancer. I hate that Mike can never be here with me bc someone has to be with the kids. I think this week I’m going to ask my mother to either take Veda up for a couple days or come down if she can. I think it’s time to think about me and get some rest. Hopefully we can make that happen. I’ll end here tonight but I will update you all on what happens here tonight. Hopefully nothing exciting!

Day 6 Cycle 2

Quick update for everyone! I am exhausted. Beyond it really. I have never experienced sheer exhaustion like this. I’m assuming my blood counts have dropped and it’s taking a toll. I’m always a night owl full of energy. This is taking some getting used to. I can go from feeling perfectly fine to so extremely tired in a matter of minutes. I’m not trusting myself driving the kids bc of it. I almost got stuck somewhere the other night bc I knew it wasn’t safe for me to be driving so tired. We are having a low key weekend. Went to Payton’s football game last night and met a good friends precious baby today. All nausea ย and heartburn has passed for this week. It’s just the extreme fatigue. Since I don’t trust myself going anywhere alone the girls and I are in tonight. Dad got offered tickets to the Bruins and he deserved to go. We have just taken every pillow in the house and made the living room one gigantic cozy chill spot! Ava and I will be having a girls night sleepover out here! That’s all for now!

Day 3 cycle 2!

Great news in that title. Cycle one is complete and I started day 1 of cycle two on Monday despite having a horrific ear infection that I thought for sure was going to through of my counts. Dr. Doyle said my counts remain awesome which is great! Monday was a tough day. Erinn was my chemo buddy. We got there bright and early and had issues right from the start. They accessed my port but couldn’t get a blood draw back. They finally after having me try all these wacky dance moves to get it going had to administer a new that has to sit for an hour to break up any clots that could be in the line. So we waited. And waited more for my time with Dr. Doyle. And waited again for my chemo to be made, something was going on in the lab. Had to get a regular blood draw in there which is never fun for me, if you know me you know my veins and the struggle is real. It typically involves an ultra sound machine coming out so they can dig there way into a vein! How I love my port! Once we got into infusion it had been way way past the hour for the blood clot Ned and she still couldn’t get a blood return. She was going to try tea ceasing the port, which isn’t fun, so I took it upon myself to get very aggressive with the dance moves and tug back and forth on her suction syringe and bam what nurse Keely got the blood return! Woohoo! From then on it was lala land basically. Day 1 of every cycle two different chemistry are given therefor producing harsher side effects. So prior to the chemo you receive large amounts of what they call premeds to fight side effects and allergic reactions. They went big this day to try and help out my week but it completely drained my body in a way I can’t even explain. By the time all meds and chemo was in Erinn had to push me in a wheel chair to the car. I was just so physically exhausted. I’m sure she was too! It was a long day for anyone. My amazing Miss KK picked me up from the bus and stayed to do the girls dinner and tubs and until Mike got home. That girls the best! So today we are on day 3 and I am laying in bed with Ava at 411am writing this. She earned a sleepover for good behavior. We went to bed at 830 which is way early for me so now I’m up! Unfortunately Mary Lou’s isn’t. So far this week has been good. I got out of the house yesterday with my cousin Bree and it was much needed! We took the kids shoe shopping bc Ava and Veda needed a fall boot. We found adorable ones! Then we went by McDonald’s and gave Stephen his first taste of vanilla ice cream! Hopefully Brees hubby doesn’t read my blog ๐Ÿ˜‰ Bree has a stepson who is also battling cancer at just 6 years old. He goes to Dana as well and I’m dying to meet him as we have the same chemo day. He’s pretty much my hero. He shared his magic cream with me for my port which they only will give to kids ๐Ÿ˜‰ I handle pain very well as you can tell, NOT! I hate pain!!! Today is supposed to be my “crash” as they call it. When all those lovely pre meds will have burned off and I’ll feel the effects of the poisoness chemo that’s actually saving my life. So keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer that today goes well. No other big news to report. I am looking for a new dog walking position in town, Sandwich, if anyone knows anyone that’s needs someone. Nice little mid day stroll!! Ok that’s that! Xo

Day 18

Good morning to all. Just wanted to share a quick update with everyone. This week has been really good. I have had very little side effects and minimal joint pain! Today I’m definitely feeling a little blah but nothing like the last two weeks. Dr Doyle added more steroids during the week, which I hate being on these huge amounts, but it’s helping. Plus I went into Falmouth Hospital yesterday for fluids. We are going to continue that every Wednesday bc it seems to really make a difference in how I feel. I let go of my hair this week for all of you who don’t know yet or haven’t seen me. I always felt in my heart this wouldn’t be a traumatic step for me like it is some people and thank god I was right. No tears no sadness, it’s hair. And I think I look pretty decent. My only worry was Ava and she proved again what an awesome kid she is. She chopped it all off for me and then shaved it away. She was in absolute heaven! I mean what 7 year old girl doesn’t want to give a real life haircut. She then made me drive her to school the next day so her friends could see her moms cool hair. That’s all I needed! I will say people do stare a little bit different but that’s ok! Someone went out of the way to hold a door for me do hell its only to my benefit ๐Ÿ˜‰ That’s all for now folks. I’m going to have some delicious chicken noodle soup for lunch here soon. My aunt Karen and Uncle Tom are keeping my fridge stocked with the most delicious food ever! Scallops, chowder, Hams, bbq chicken, salads! Monday is day 1 of cycle 2. I will be getting both chemo drugs, carbo and taxol. This is how every day 1 will be. So I think it will be a tough week. Pray for another good one! ๐Ÿ˜˜

Day 15

Where to start? So much on my mind and my mom never stops blabbing long enough to think in depth. Plus I’m snuggled up in my heated, vibrating chemo chair being infused with the poison meant to save my life! They call it chemo brain and I do believe I’m experiencing it! Anyone that knows me, especially all my old coworkers Sandy, Amanda, Dave, Ryan, Craig Brett, you know what I’m talking about. My mind floats normally so imagine adding the medics science calls chemo brain. Lord I’m lucky if I remember my pants most days! Anywayssss. Back to the icky stuff, cancer. No seriously folks my mom won’t stop talking!! Haha I apologize if this is all over the place! My counts are good today so we went forward with treatment. Big sigh of relief for me. I’ve had a little cold so I wondered what might happen today! They are changing my pain medicine to try and get that under control. My mom bought me a beautiful new hat for the winter and pillow, I’m not spoiled!, just kidding I love my mom and her spoiling, she is so selfless! Most selfless person I know. Yesterday was the Team Keely walk for Ovarian Cancer 101. I had such a large team I couldn’t believe it. My sister Kara win first place in the 5k race and my cousin jackies dog Lolli won first place for best teal dressed dog! I was the very last person over the finish line. I tried. Diane, founder of Ovarian Cancer 101 did an incredible job. It was amazingly put together. Nice Jod Lady!!! Il like to say thank you to each and every one of you that came out for me. Ryan, Khalil, Sophia, Payton, Tyler, Kahleesi, Bella, Bree, Peter Stephen, Amanda, Jigga, Lious, my Mom Jane, my Dad Robert, My sisters Kara and Erinn and her boyfriend and dear friend of mine and Mike’s Ryan, my aunt Catherine who has been there for me so much of this journey so far, my two very special girls Ava and Veda and their dear friend Emma and Ellie (thank you to their mom and dad Randy and Katie for letting them come!) and most of all to a very special friend that has many names and wears many hats Miss Katie Lebherz. To many she’s know simply as Katie. To me and my girls she’s our KK or miss KK or Miss Katie. She organized this entire thing and made it possible along side Diane. She already know what she means to me. As I sit here being infused not only do I know Ava got on the bus ok and Vedas being taken care of, I know she’s doing a better job at it than even me sometime. I love her to pieces! Now on to one more thing. I was blessed with a college experience I will never forget. I met the most amazing human beings there are five in particular that and still close by my side ten years since graduation. Yesterday at I was crouched down decorating the little girls wagon in teal. I got a tap on my shoulder, I looked up and literally for ย at least 30 seconds I just stared like wait no, huh, it can’t be and wtf. the only and only Jigga was standing by me ready to walk. There truly are not words to describe how much this made my day and meant to me. I broke down in tears and couldn’t let her go . My five college friends have stayed extremely close to my heart and having her support shows you the woman she is. Well happy to announce that cycle one just finished. Next week will be both carbo and taxol with increasing pre and post meds. It will start cycle two day 1! Woohoo!! Love for you all! Xoxo

Day 11

I had no intention of posting an update anytime soon but then something inspired me. As most of you know I went to Springfield College for my degree. Aside from the first few weeks, I absolutely lived and loved every single second of every single day. I got good grades, partied hard, made a few lifelong friends and completely changed the person I went in as. I wasn’t in a good place leading up to school. Had my mother not forced me out of the car I am not sure where life would’ve led me but it wouldn’t have been good. In those first few terrifying days I met my first friend. We clicked so quickly bc I believe we have so much in common. She was the kindest, funniest, gentlest wise ass! I adored everything about her and we remained very close friends all four years. We haven’t seen each other in years but we stay in touch through Facebook. She and I both went on to become single mothers to biracial baby girls which I always thought was kind of ironic. We are that type of strong willed women that could do that, raise a baby on your own and excell at doing it. I hadn’t heard from her for a while until today. I got home from visiting nana and there was two packages on my front porch. Now let me stop and back track a bit. I had said earlier I wasn’t going to update. I’ve been feeling angry. I left my online support group bc it was so depressing I couldn’t take another second of it. I had my first real bad day yesterday. I was throwing up from the moment I woke till the moment I went to bed. I think I’ve hit this stage where I’m angry and feeling sorry for myself. I’m wanting to pretend nothing’s wrong with me but can’t quite deny it with the amount of pain sometimes. I made a somewhat conscious decision that I was cutting everyone out. My nana stopped by during my really bad day yesterday and I just broke down in front of her. I cried my eyes out and then felt so guilty because I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want anyone to worry. I don’t want to inconvenience people or make people feel like they have to do certain things or act certain ways bc in sick. I wanted to cancel the meal train immediately. I didn’t. Luckily the only move i made was leaving the support group. I’ve always had an issue with feeling like I’m a bother to other people. I worry constantly that if I ask for help people feel obligated and then I feel terrible. Since the cancer that has gotten so hard to deal with. I am having to rely on so many people and I started feeling like I’m really bothering them all. Well then I got this package. Inside from my dear friend was a blanket. A healing blanket that she sewed herself. It had the most beautifully simple note attached. That so much love went into every single stitch and that I should take it to treatments with me and wrap myself up in all the people that love me. Well I just cried like a baby and hugged the life out of that blanket. It just touched me so much. And the note was just what I needed. Cancer affects so many people not just the patient. I am lucky to have an amazing and very big family. I know they all love me and want to help. I’m the one that needs to believe that and let go all the feelings of guilt. My friend reminded me of this today. It was the sweetest thing she could’ve done and I am so grateful. She also sent me a beautiful painting made by her daughter of me and my girls. It was amazing! So I’m going to try and work through this phase. Try to overcome the anger and sadness and putty I’m feeling. I’m also going to say here and now I am not superwoman and I’m going to need help especially if days like yesterday are going to be happening a lot. Today has been a much better day. To my dear dear friend, Margaret Pruitt and her beautiful daughter Elora, I love you both from the bottom of my heart. That was so selfless, considerate and kind. Eloras painting is hanging in my room! I will be taking my gorgeous new blanket to every single treatment from here on out and wrapping myself in your love! I miss and love you dearly! Xo

Day 6

Its almost time for week 2. I go in again Monday, have to be there at 630am for my second treatment. This time it will be Taxol only. Days 8 and 15 will always only be Taxol. I’d say hopefully it will be easier since it’s just one but honestly overall it wasn’t a bad week. I definitely had my moments but it was nothing like I thought it would be. I’m also not naive and know that it’s going to progressively get worse. I am hopeful though that this past week was a sign that my body is going to respond well. I was sick only once, and I think that’s bc I did too much in the heat. I was tired A LOT! That was expected though. Apparently when you get chemo it wipes out your bodies blood cells which causes exhaustion. This will probably be my last week with hair. I don’t think any things happening yet but those who know me know I lose hair at incredible rates so it’s hard to tell!! Haha I suppose I’ll know when it happens. Dr Horowitz had said by day 17. Tomorrow is day 7. I’m looking forward to getting onto the second treatment. I have some issues to resolve with my estrogen. I had to stop it bc of an allergic reaction. It’s taking a huge toll on me. I’m extremely uncomfortable from the menopause symptoms. I’m going to have to insist that they come up with a solution. Bad enough I have cancer at 32. I don’t need to be dealing with menopause and allergic reactions as well. Tomorrow we are off to get some pumpkins. Going to head down to the Dennis area and meet uncle Dick and aunt Carrie for the afternoon. If anyone knows of anywhere down there doing hayrides or anything fun let me know! I’m on a mission to find one. Getting to bed now. Meeting a friend at the canal for donuts and coffee with the girls in the morning. Can’t wait to catch up with this lifelong friend ๐Ÿ˜‰

weekend highlight alert: Ava scored a goal a soccer today! ๐Ÿ˜„โšฝ๏ธ

Day 2

Today started out really stressful. Ava was having a difficult time getting ready for school. We managed to pull it together and get out the door with too much chaos. I was feeling pretty darn good and motivated by the time Veda and I got home with a giant Mary Lou’s. I did a little bit of cleaning up and then packed up Veda for her 18 month well visit. It’s funny how much cancer affects your life, in ways you would’ve never realized. Her pediatrician, who I adore, comes in and says can she get her live vaccines? I had no clue. I know I can’t get vaccines while in treatment. My immune system is just too vulnerable. I tried calling my oncologist but couldn’t get through quickly enough. So Veda got three that had no live cultures. She took it like a champ and walked out of there on her own two feet with a smile on her face. She’s such a brave kid. We then headed to Nana Ds. By the time we got there I was feeling a little nauseous but thought it was more of a need to eat something type nauseous. We had some lunch and then my aunt and I took apart some beds that she’s giving to me for when I redecorate the girls room. We packed it up and headed back to my house. By the time I got hot around 3pm it hit me. I threw up and was insanely tired. It really came out of no where. Luckily Veda was napping in the car so I layed down on the wicker porch couch and took a snooze myself. I woke up to the bus beeping the horn. Oops! Ava helped out when she got home so much. She let me rest a little longer in my bed while she gave her sister a snack. She is truly a great big sister. Then we waited for Mike to get home and headed to 2nd grade open house. Ava has an excellent teacher and I’m excited to see what the year will bring for her. We came home and heated up a quick dinner dropped off by an old neighbor and meal train sign up! It was delicious. Thank you. It sat well with me after some anti nauseous meds. Both girls went down easy and I’m finally into bed myself. Took some more Zofran and praying for a decent day tomorrow! Love to all! Xo

Special thanks to Mama Sandy Semas for making me smile with your thoughtful card!! Love you so much! Xo

Sleep…

I’ve always had a hard time sleeping. Even as a little girl. It’s when all the thoughts run through my head. I’m thinking about my little family tonight. My girls as well as Michael. Sometimes I forget how much stress he’s under as well. We are all doing such a great job working together lately and I hope we can continue to grow strong as a family through out this journey. I’m starting to actually feel a little lousy which I wasn’t expecting this quickly. I think it’s just lack of rest at this point. Just wanted to jump on here through my thoughts out and share some pics of my family. Also add that I just hate cancer. Don’t let my positivity fool you. Cancer sucks. It’s scary, life changing and very isolating. There are few people you can talk to because no one has a clue what it feels like to be a mother of two small girls and be told you have a life threatening disease. No one I know anyway. Unless you’ve been there you just can’t understand the feeling of anger and sheer terror that come along with it. Cancer sucks but my family rocks. They will be my rocks that get me through! Love to you all!